Plop, plop.. fizz, fuzz.. oh what a day it was!

My day doing the pre-op procedural processes was a real picnic.  

Five hours of fun in the sun with a poke and a prod and a push and a ping.  I had my EKG, chest x-ray, urinalysis, and a blood letting like none other that I've had before.  The phlebotomist filled more vials of blood than I thought would be possible.  I think she might have gotten her training from 15th century Wallachian Prince, Vlad III the Impaler - aka Count Dracula of Transylvanian fame!

Anyway - I survived the ordeal and came home exhausted and ready for a quiet evening.  I am now closer to my day with destiny, the surgeon and the new valve.  I am confident about the outcome and looking forward... not so much to the surgery as to getting over this hurdle.  I'm sure you can appreciate that.  But, my mood is a bit somber and subdued.  I think today was a major step for me.  My humor saw me through it to the end.  But, I wanted to escape into a huge piece of carrot cake later that afternoon.  Enough of the medical jargon and metaphorical meanderings.  I just wanted to step out of it all and be still.

To enlighten you all about the day's activities... I was told in great detail all that would be happening to me on Wednesday, from the expected time of arrival (5:30 AM) to the time of the surgery (7:00 AM) to the expected length of the procedure (4-6 hours) to the time in Cardiovascular ICU (1 day) to... just about everything and then some.

I will have tubes in my throat, IV's in my arms and neck (ouch - that hurts just thinking about that) drainage tubes in my chest and a catheter in my you-know-what.  I won't be able to move a drop of fluid anywhere without the cardio-team at Kaiser knowing what is dripping and where.  I asked about the other side of my elimination system and it was explained that with all the narcotics and such that I will be ingesting... (wow, drugs!!) I will probably not be moving anything out that exit for a few days.  They have something else in store for me to fix that situation.  Wonderful.  Now when someone says that I'm full of it, they may be right!

I will have a complete body shave from my just under my adorable double chin to the calluses on my feet - inclusive of all points in between with nothing left out for modesty or prosperity.  Yes, I'll look like a ten year old again (no pithy comments, please) just as long as I'm naked.  (Some people say that to me now... but then they usually are out of striking range).  

I'll be working out the next few days - not on the stair climber at the gym.  But, on the Coach 2 Incentive Spirometer.  For those of you who have no idea what that is (relax - I didn't know either until they explained it all to me) it is a breathing instrument that measures your air volume (inhalations) with the goal of improving ones lung function (increasing lung volume).  They must avoid fluid build up in the lung because it leads to pneumonia.

I was given some antibiotic "goop" to put in my nose and body shampoo for my head to my toes.  The goal is to destroy all the nasty bacteria and reduce the chance of staphylococcus fever (infection). 

Gads - now I'm writing like I'm Dr. Seuss!  That's a sure sign I need to cut this off and save myself the indignity and ridicule from those who possess much greater linguistic skills.  

So - that was my day.  How was yours?

LK